Like steam-trains we chug on...

Phew, once again what a week! As a follow-up to the drugs and gangsterism post I made last week, I am happy to say that something is being done. The teachers are patrolling the school grounds better than ever before. I can see change happening which makes my heart glad. There are still a few children who come to class high as kites which makes me very sad. They think they are sooo slick by speaking in their code language for the drugs and being high but they forget that I am only 22, I've seen enough and heard enough about that side of life to know what they mean. I confronted one boy about this and asked him if his respect is really SO low for me that they will blatantly speak about their drugs in code word they think I wouldn't be able to pick up or glean from the context right in front of me. He was shocked and denied it to my face of cause. Of cause. I however am sad to sat that I have developed a kind of tougher skin being in this environment for a while now, where I have made the conscious decision to be there for those who need me and want me to teach, and that those who make the conscious decision to come to class high or smelling like smoke will always be there. I need to use my energy where it is most beneficial and not waste it on something that won't result in the greater good, because there are children who are willing to learn and participate and they outnumber those who do not. It is not fair to then neglect the masses who pay to be there just so that I can give a lecture to one, two or five children who think life and school is a joke. SO! Onward and forward!

I presented my first ever poetry classes this week and boy were they nerve-wrecking. Because of the fact that I love literature so much as well as teaching it, I felt a lot of pressure to do the work justice. I also had a brilliant English teacher throughout high school and to feel like I had to be something like her was also so much pressure that I felt I unnecessarily placed on myself. I enjoyed the literature lessons endlessly. I taught gr11s a poem called "The Meeting" by William Wadsworth Longfellow which is a beautiful poem to say the least. I felt like I really helped the learners understand what the poet was trying to bring to the reader. I enjoyed it so much that I sped through the lesson and my mentor teacher told me afterwards that I had to slow down because it looked like some of the kids struggled to get down what they had to. I felt very bad about this because in no way would I want to hinder their learning by being too fast! I decided that in the next lesson given to the gr10s I would do better - and I could tell that in being slower and more thourough I did way better than my first lesson - which is understandable. I was very proud of that lesson and still am. The grade 10 learners however, as well as the gr11s caused me some concern in that they did not take many notes, even after I had asked them to and expressed the importance, which was scary to think that they do not care enough to write things down that would help them now as well as in future. I do understand, though. Nobody is in the mood to write down things, and children can get very bored very quickly, but -- Work is work!

After a long week of having to prepare lessons (which is very tiring!) I had to honour my commitments to teach dance to some girls for the cultural week. I was pooped after school as anybody would be and in no mood to teach dance to anybody. I just wanted to go home and sleep but I made a commitment. As soon as we started, my hunger faded away and as we were doing one of he things I love the most - dancing - I cold feel how I slowly came alive again after the soul-deadening day at school. Since its a small group of girls who are very respectful and lovely to work with, I found myself enjoying the lesson very much! It's important to have something like this to bring yourself back to life after a tough school day else who knows what might happen to you! Remember to always take part in something or get involved in something that makes you feel human again and not the monster you might feel yourself becoming. I am thankful for moments like that when I can be that Carefree Nicole again when I dance both in teaching others to dance as well as dancing in my private time - it keeps me sane. Here's to another week of teaching! May week four four times better than we've hoped.