Week Six Wrap Up

There is nothing that flies as fast as a week in a school. Here I am, in the end of my sixth week at a school and still surviving. One incident that stood out to me this week was rather eye-opening. While helping a few boys doing their work during the class I had my back turned towards the naughty boys who refuse to take out a single book. Like I have said before, I work with those who want to work. I felt these boys throwing me with pen caps. I was extremely annoyed but realized that all they really want from me is my attention - but not the positive type of attention. These boys are the type who take great pleasure out of seeing a teacher loose their cool. I knew this and was determined not to fall into their trap. It took everything I had not to turn around and do something to them. I calmed myself and continued working. AGAIN.
Another pen cap thrown against my back. Let us bear in mind that these are not accidental tosses. These are deliberate and with ill intent. I don't know what I have ever done to harm them or cause them to want to treat me with such disrespect. I have no idea. The sad thing is, These are the boys that I used to pay lots of attention to because I felt that they were misunderstood cases and I was determined to get through to them on a level that they are not familiar with. It really hurts that they did this to me. AGAIN.

Third time a pen cap hits me. I ignore.

FOURTH time they threw me with a big crumpled up ball of paper against my head. This set me the hell off. The teacher was teaching but at that moment I was so upset I stopped her mid sentence - which is something I never do - to notify her of the boys who have been throwing things at me. They denied it and actually blamed me and told me that I was targeting them and made ME feel bad for blaming them! I have never been exposed to such people! I have never been exposed to such a blatant show of disrespect and dishonor. I had no idea what to do so I told their teacher. The reason this kind of behaviour goes on is because nothing gets done to them and to this day they have not apologized and continue to disrupt the class like it's their job. I told my parents about this and they made sure I told the principal. I went to their grade head, told him with them standing there and still they denied it to my face as if I was stupid. He just gave them a talking to. Still, nothing happens to these boys. Action needs to be taken against them but the school lets things like this slide for some reason I am not even sure of. I don't know what to do but I pray to God that he sends me to a good school one day, with a sound discipline system. These things should not happen in a school environment.

On the up-side, I gave 3 very good lessons for Life Orientation this week which I thoroughly enjoy because of the fact that the grade 11s are so chilled. I really enjoy them. They are so responsive. I chose them for my English Crit lesson coming up this week Wednesday!
This week was the marking of the last 40 days that the matrics will ever be having at school again - they hope! I remember saying goodbye to school, thankful that I never have to spend another day at a school... The irony. The matrics came in their casual clothing and I found myself greeting them as "hello Ma'am" until I caught onto the fact that these were in fact school children and not parents who came to school to see the principal. I swear the kids look older and older every year! The cultural week seems to be in full swing as the ballet girls and I are hard at work on our dance for the evening.

Three More weeks to go - Let the count down begin!

I Suppose I'm a Teabag'

They say that women are like teabags, that we don't know how strong we are until we get put into hot water. How true this saying is. I must say that over the past few weeks I would have never imagined I would be sitting in class with the type of kids, in the type of school environment that I do now. I'm being brutally honest. We all dream of teaching at Rhenish or La Rochelle, we all have dreams of an easy teaching experience and who is to say those schools don't have their own problems? We dream of a school where children drink in our every word and there's no need to shout or reprimand 1000000 times every day. we DREAM of comfort, of staff-rooms with coffee flowing and air-con running. BUT, will we grow? Will we become the best person we could possibly be in perfect conditions?  I come from a privileged middle-class background, my parents both teachers, and I was blessed to go to a good school and to be surrounded with a certain type of mindset and mentality. The idea that education is my only way upwards and towards the independence that I so hungrily craved was etched into my mind before I knew what I wanted to do with my life. And yet, I struggle to find that school of thought in the environment I am currently situated. I grew up in a bit of a bubble, and BOY has my bubble been burst.

I have learnt to swim in an environment that I never thought I could survive in (and of cause the tuck-shop has helped me through this in my neediest times - I am NOT kidding here - it's been a huge crutch). An environment where the leadership is lacking and the children feel it within the school. An environment filled with drugs, bunking and ill-discipline, where a culture of learning is not fostered, and this makes me sad. I have been exposed to things I only heard about from other people BUT here I am, swimming and loving the trip this is taking me on. I am one of those people who are able to adapt to adversity (just don't douse me in it!!!) and grow. I have been cat-called more times than I can count, disrespected and unappreciated, but I still wake up every morning with a will to go on because deep down I feel like somehow I am making a difference to someone. That somehow I can possibly be that role model to a child, someone they can look up to.

I have become attached to some of the children, and surprisingly they aren't the boffins that one would expect. i have grown attached to little group of boys who to me are the cutest little things on this darn earth. they are greatly overlooked and left to fend for themselves in the back of the classroom., their teacher doesn't expect much from them in terms of work and as a result of this does not even check their homework. they tend to be a little chatty and this is what initially brought me to sitting with them. they're little boys, far smaller than they should be for grade 8 and I suspect they come from impoverished backgrounds. by sitting with them to keep them quiet and working I realized that they are just normal little boys who have so much character. they like me and the stickers I give them when they do their homework and try hard to impress me, because they like me but - I suspect - ABOVE ALL they think I'm pretty - and who doesn't want to impress a pretty lady? I enjoy working with them as a group and I see the tendency within me to gravitate to the needy ones, the ones who need help and attention which is so scarce in a large class. I hope that I inspire them as much as they inspire me to be kind and loving to people I never thought I would build a relationship with. I'm a work in progress but really I think I like who I'm becoming. This teaching practice is beginning to mean more to me than those 8 lessons per subject.

We are still hard at work on our spiritual dance for the Cultural Day which will be taking place on the 11th of September, and the ballet group seem to be very excited and I enjoy working with them. The school has announced that there will be two interim principals until the end of the year, when a new principal will be announced. This week has been a long one for me and I am so glad that I can go on to a brand new one. Keyword to remember for the week: Teabag.

Like Headless Chickens...

WOW! On Tuesday afternoon the staff was called in to an urgent meeting in the staff room after school which excited the inner drama queen inside me. I was so curious to know what had happened. On Wednesday morning the school started at half past 8 and we were sitting in our little library area that is designated to us students, wondering what the heck was going on in the staff room. as it turned out, the principal had just decided that enough is enough, she was quitting her position as head of the school and reverting to her old position. the staff was in a tizz. they were like a chicken without a head (excuse the pun), everybody having different opinions about Mrs X and her quitting the job. NOBODY wanted to take on the responsibility of being the head of Luckhoff. NOBODY. i had to remind myself that I should not get caught up in all the hype and just do my job. we were asked to keep the news from the children but naturally the children knew that something was up. children have the remarkable ability to suss something out, which is what they did, and before long we had some questions asking if Mrs X had resigned. I have no idea of the inner workings of the school and in my opinion since nobody wants to take on the responsibility of being principal, nobody has the right to judge Mrs X, even if her job as principal was wanting.

The controversy aside, I have been having a wonderful week. Us as students have organised a week of activities for the girls at the school and I was part of the Beauty portfolio where I spoke about the importance of inner beauty and how important it is for us as women to stand together and be kind and supportive of one another. The girls seemed to take in what I had to say and the fact that they chose to be there and listen made it so much easier to manage the girls since they wanted to listen. We all decided to make something nice for the girls during break and on Wednesday night I baked THREE huge cakes for the girls, which got some raving reviews! I really enjoy working with girls, I wonder if it might be one of my callings :)

In terms of classroom management and teaching, I can see a definite preference developing in me. I love teaching grades 10 and 11 where I find myself dreading, ABSOLUTELY dreading the grade 9s! The grade 8s are still super cute and I find myself managing them well in class. I have taken to this small group of little boys in my gr8 classes who need help urgently in terms of their work. While the teacher teaches the general class I would work remedially with those few and I find that it works for them. I just need to remind myself not to baby them too much and make them lazy to try and understand things themselves. I love teaching them though, they respond well to me and I feel some kind of motherliness coming out of me. One of the naughty boys, Bulumko, has turned over a new leaf and I use the respect he has for me to get him to work and try to impress me. I have taken him on as my project and I will keep my readers updated on his progress because not only do I see him as a little boy who needs love, attention and kind work, I also see him as someone who has so much potential that the other teachers do not see because he is very talkative and has a lot to say. Also, he doesn't respond well to people shouting at him which brings out attitudes that I don't feel are native to his character. I love teaching and I can see more and more that teaching isn't teaching a class or teaching a curriculum but it really is teaching a CHILD. Many of them, all with their idiosyncrasies, personalities and quirks. working closely with them opens them up and I experience each child with enthusiasm and intrigue - IF THEY LET ME. Many children sadly come with the highest brick walls around them from their backgrounds, which is SO SAD. And then there's me like a woodpecker, pecking at their crusts.

Woodpecker. Miss Woodpecker.

On to a new week!

Like steam-trains we chug on...

Phew, once again what a week! As a follow-up to the drugs and gangsterism post I made last week, I am happy to say that something is being done. The teachers are patrolling the school grounds better than ever before. I can see change happening which makes my heart glad. There are still a few children who come to class high as kites which makes me very sad. They think they are sooo slick by speaking in their code language for the drugs and being high but they forget that I am only 22, I've seen enough and heard enough about that side of life to know what they mean. I confronted one boy about this and asked him if his respect is really SO low for me that they will blatantly speak about their drugs in code word they think I wouldn't be able to pick up or glean from the context right in front of me. He was shocked and denied it to my face of cause. Of cause. I however am sad to sat that I have developed a kind of tougher skin being in this environment for a while now, where I have made the conscious decision to be there for those who need me and want me to teach, and that those who make the conscious decision to come to class high or smelling like smoke will always be there. I need to use my energy where it is most beneficial and not waste it on something that won't result in the greater good, because there are children who are willing to learn and participate and they outnumber those who do not. It is not fair to then neglect the masses who pay to be there just so that I can give a lecture to one, two or five children who think life and school is a joke. SO! Onward and forward!

I presented my first ever poetry classes this week and boy were they nerve-wrecking. Because of the fact that I love literature so much as well as teaching it, I felt a lot of pressure to do the work justice. I also had a brilliant English teacher throughout high school and to feel like I had to be something like her was also so much pressure that I felt I unnecessarily placed on myself. I enjoyed the literature lessons endlessly. I taught gr11s a poem called "The Meeting" by William Wadsworth Longfellow which is a beautiful poem to say the least. I felt like I really helped the learners understand what the poet was trying to bring to the reader. I enjoyed it so much that I sped through the lesson and my mentor teacher told me afterwards that I had to slow down because it looked like some of the kids struggled to get down what they had to. I felt very bad about this because in no way would I want to hinder their learning by being too fast! I decided that in the next lesson given to the gr10s I would do better - and I could tell that in being slower and more thourough I did way better than my first lesson - which is understandable. I was very proud of that lesson and still am. The grade 10 learners however, as well as the gr11s caused me some concern in that they did not take many notes, even after I had asked them to and expressed the importance, which was scary to think that they do not care enough to write things down that would help them now as well as in future. I do understand, though. Nobody is in the mood to write down things, and children can get very bored very quickly, but -- Work is work!

After a long week of having to prepare lessons (which is very tiring!) I had to honour my commitments to teach dance to some girls for the cultural week. I was pooped after school as anybody would be and in no mood to teach dance to anybody. I just wanted to go home and sleep but I made a commitment. As soon as we started, my hunger faded away and as we were doing one of he things I love the most - dancing - I cold feel how I slowly came alive again after the soul-deadening day at school. Since its a small group of girls who are very respectful and lovely to work with, I found myself enjoying the lesson very much! It's important to have something like this to bring yourself back to life after a tough school day else who knows what might happen to you! Remember to always take part in something or get involved in something that makes you feel human again and not the monster you might feel yourself becoming. I am thankful for moments like that when I can be that Carefree Nicole again when I dance both in teaching others to dance as well as dancing in my private time - it keeps me sane. Here's to another week of teaching! May week four four times better than we've hoped.

IS school still a place of learning?

What an intense week this last one has been for me. When I look back I wonder how I made it. As a student teacher we want to do things properly and when we plan lessons we tend to PLAN the hell out of them. They can take up to four hours to compile, if you include an activity and well-thought out lesson plan material and ideas to keep today's children interested. I had five lessons, some of which I had to repeat to another class in the grade. Five lessons over five days meant planning into the wee hours of the morning most days. It was exhausting but I absolutely love teaching so it just seemed to be worth it in the end. I had to give one class a serious talk about their behaviour in my classes. Their register teacher had been so upset with them because of how badly they had been behaving in the last week, and they did the same in my class with their incessant talking and devil-may-care attitude towards their work. When they found out that their behaviour was causing me to do poorly in a lesson that is being assessed (yes, they don't know that us student teachers are actually there to be ASSESSED), they changed their attitude because although they were chatty, they seem to genuinely like me, and continued to behave in the rest of the class, for which I am grateful. I thanked them afterwards for understanding.

One thing that stood out to me this week was the fact that there are so many things going on in that school that the teachers are aware of but choose to turn a blind eye to because either they know that they are fighting a loosing battle or because to take action is simply too much effort. Once the rain had penetrated some of the prefabs that I work in, we were forced to move to the old section of the school that had been scheduled for demolition but still stood for some reason. These classrooms obscure the view of the back of the school and the abandoned tennis courts behind the school. As I was sitting in class one break time I saw something that ignited an anger within me - streams of children walking on a mission to the abandoned tennis court walls. I had one thought at what they were doing and I was right. I decided to go and investigate and to my horror, the smell of marijuana hung heavily in the air with cigarette smoke and who knows what else. I took one look at the mass of about 80 children hanging in masses hidden by the abandoned tennis court walls. They become high during breaks and then we have to deal with children who are absolutely unable to take anything in. The smell of marijuana stinks of failure and lost opportunities.

I spoke to my mentor teacher about this and she told me that they are aware of the problem but something is being done. The worst punishment a child can get would be detention which they seem to enjoy because all their friends are there too. My heart breaks for these children in masses throwing their lives away for a fleeting feeling. It makes no sense to me. The next day I saw that not only are these children smoking weed, they get SOLD weed by people who sneak in through the gates and sell these drugs to school children. Men in hoodies, who are obviously gangsters. One I saw walking with a scissors - not to cut out pictures from a magazine I can guarantee you. It just breaks my heart because there are young girls on the grounds, and impressionable young boys who are put at risk by these gangsters and strangers on a school premises that should be a safe haven for any child. This is totally unacceptable and I intend to write a letter to the head teacher to report what is going on.
My heart breaks for these children and I feel like I have my hands tied. Is school still a place of learning or just a place children come to smoke, socialize, get high and do the bare minimum? Am I looking at this the wrong way? What can be done? Where do we go from here?