Week NIIIINNNNEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must say that this has been one of the harder weeks that I have experienced. Not because of anything that had to do with how the children behaved or anything strange that happened at school but because of the fact that it was my last week at this school and I have grown so attached to each and every one of my students. I have grown not only my students, but also my main mentor teacher, Ms Jooste, whom I sat with every single day of the past 2 months. I will miss her dearly. She has always been so helpful and accommodating towards me, and made me feel welcome in her classes (even on her sleepy days!).

With a heavy heart I feel that although I’m sad that I will be leaving I feel the time really has come for me to get back to campus. I miss being in classes and being a carefree youth(?). I miss having a choice whether or not I will attend a certain class (haha!) and I miss being able to walk to a coffee shop whenever I wanted to. I also miss my lecturers! I’m just in a state of deep introspection at the moment because of all the emotions that have been running high this week.

Like I said previously, I loved being at this school but I feel that my time here is through. This is not because of how the teachers treat us, but because of the conflict that has been erupting amongst us student teachers. I sense a certain aura of cabin fever that has descended upon us and this indicates that it’s time to go. I built many beautiful relationships with quite a few of my fellow students and we had many things in common being at this school together and engaging in the daily struggles of a student teacher.

I’ve learnt a lot about myself in this past period of time too. This time has taught me to be able to address conflict and speak up when something is not okay. It has taught me to be able to get along with other people whom I work with and to be able to manage my time effectively. I have been taken out of my little bubble of a world and shaken and prodded violently by the reality of what goes on in schools. I have become a bit more of a harder, stronger person by seeing and experiencing things that I never thought was possible to experience within a school environment. I have even gangsterism and drugs, violence and sweet children who really are the best damn things I have ever seen. I have learnt how to engage with other people from other cultures and even learnt quite a bit of Xhosa!

This week in terms of work has been very relaxed because I have completed all my lessons and observations so the work that I had to complete was minimal; I only had to have a few things signed by teachers I worked under. I used this week as time to soak up the experience without having to worry about things that I had to do. I spent time with the children I enjoyed being around and got to make jokes with them because of the fact that I am not their official teacher anymore.

We had cultural day this week and aside from the slight organisational issues, I enjoyed it so much, and so did the learners I taught. They loved the dance and the hall was full of people who wanted to see their children take part. I find this community to be quite tough but also endlessly endearing and I will miss e\forming part of it. The girls I taught came and gave me a chocolate to say thank you for helping them out with the dancing, which I really appreciated. I am able to leave this school knowing well that I have made my mark, and it’s a positive one!

I'm turning into the Grinch, I swear.

SO! Second last week, and what a week it was. We saw the grade 11 ball happening this week which was the highlight of my week. At the ball the learners were assessed for their life orientation marks for line dancing and I could see they all enjoyed this every much. They got dressed to the nines and brought food and had a jolly good time, even though their grade 11 ball was at 10 – in the morning! They all looked so stunning! This week was one of those weeks where I really felt so absolutely out of place in that school. The kids were scheduled to write their test week so there were absolutely no classes, and all they did was sit in class and study, which I found to be very odd. Also, as students, we were unable to use these days for teaching and getting in lessons because the learners were busy studying and writing tests, which set many of us back in terms of completing the amount of lessons we had to complete. They gave the children more than two hours every day to study and called it exactly that – as if those children need any more reason not to study at home and come prepared! A lot of the children ended up just leaving their studying at home to come study at school but the classes ended up so noisy because of how difficult it is to control a class where they are not being taught and they have to “study”. Sometimes I feel like the people who run the school do not think and simply do it because it’s what’s easiest for them. Heaven knows these children don’t need another week of doing nothing in class. I feel like I’m sounding very jaded at the moment – like an old aunty – and to a very real extent I am jaded by my experience at the school.

Don’t get me wrong, I learnt a lot from being at the school, but 9 weeks is a long time. I feel like my time at the school is wearing thin and as though my space in class is getting smaller. As the days go on I feel like I’m getting more and more in the way of the teacher. They try to be very kind and nice to them but I understand that after a while you would like your own classroom back to it just being you. Where you can shout and “gaan te keere” without feeling like you are being judged! I feel like the more familiar the kids get with you, the nicer things get in class between you and a select few, but the harder things get with the kids who are disruptive – they don’t care. To them you are not their teacher and you are old news. So, on we trudged in the mud every day (the place is really a mud bath when it rains like it did this week), and tried to make the most of a week that held nothing much in store for us but to sit in out library classroom and talk about our plans for the weekend or the color we would like to dye our hair next. I am having a little bit of a problem with my life orientation lessons because of the fact that there are very few actual lessons happening for life orientation at this school, and in terms of observations this has been a nightmare. Teaching life orientation has also proven to be a little difficult because the children simply do not want to work, and neither do they take the subject seriously. I must say, though, that they grade 11s are AWESOME to teach life orientation to because of how interactive they are. They also possess a level of maturity that many of the other grades do not, and I really thrive off this because we end up having meaningful discussions, and I am very proud of them. Unfortunately, since the timetable does not allow it I will not be able to use them for my crit lesson tomorrow!

We were allowed to leave when the children left for home but I stayed many days because I had to help the girls with their dance routine for the culture evening that was
“planned” for Tuesday evening. Leaving school earlier was a huge shock to my system! All of a sudden I had no idea what to do with my time from 12-3 each afternoon where I would usually be in class helping with this or that. I was genuinely worried about how I will react to having a whole lot of time on my hands. I also anticipate long crocodile tears when I leave because even though I look at some children and I feel heat boiling in my temples and my ears burning from dislike, I know I will miss them all collectively and I know that I will think with fond memories about the few that really made my time there worth it. I know that previously in this post I sounded very begrudging, which was really just a result of feeling underappreciated and ill-treated by some, but now, thinking back on those who really make me smile with their kind words, letters and fixed eyes upon me I can’t wait to go to school tomorrow!

This week will be my last week at school and I hope it ends on a beautiful note. I can’t wait to see the girls perform the dance I taught them, and I hope that at the end of the week I check in with an update of the millions of chocolates I have received! Haha! 

Week SEVEN already!!

This has been my seventh week in Luckhoff Senior Secondary, and like every other week, the time flies by! By now my body wakes me up at the crack of dawn on weekends, and I wish it would do the same during the week, although I must say that waking up at 6:30 isn't the blasted pain it once was. I've been having a good time with the children and I feel myself bonding with them - they're growing on me like weeds in a corn field!

When I think about the fact that I only have 2 more weeks left at the school it fills me with both excitement (I'm being real here) as well as an acute sense of dread for the fact that these faces I have grown to love are no longer going to be before me every single day anymore! I also have anxiety at the idea of my many hours in the day that will be left open like a gaping hole, devoid of much to do but my coursework! I spoke to my mother about this and she told me to calm down and take things as they come. I will get used to the free time in between classes again and learn to love it as I once did. I enjoy the attention I get from the little grade 8s who make me feel very pretty in the way they are always in awe of what I'm wearing each day. I need to remember that whatever I wear I need to consider very carefully because I am being watched like a hawk! They are very endearing, I love the little grade 8s who still have the glow of childhood on their skin. Everybody is so fascinated at me coming to school each day on my poegie and ask me for lifts every day!

I had my crit lesson this week on Wednesday and I must say, it has been a while since I was that nervous. I chose the grade 11s for my lesson and I chose them strategically because of how much easier they are to handle. they are also a small class which made the personally getting to know each child much easier than the lower grades where the classes are much bigger. One huge set-back for my crit lesson was the fact that the grade 11s were so busy practicing their dances that they were doing for life orientation that they did not hear the bell and as a result of this they came 15 minutes late! I almost lost my mind! This however, came in use when the lecturer had to give me a mark for diadatic contingencies! He said that I handled the pressure well. I just calmed myself and jumped into my work. I did a poem with them called "The wild doves at Louis Trichardt" which is a poem that I did in grade 11 too. I had a brilliant teacher who made the lesson very interesting for me and I was hoping to give them the same kind of interesting deliverance. I felt a little bit of pressure because I wanted them to like it as much as I did! They seemed to grasp the poem and many of them presented ideas to me that I was wowed about - these kids are actually so smart! I enjoyed the lesson and my lecturer said it was a very good lesson, too.

We had a feedback session afterwards where he commended me on my ability to use the kids' lifewords in my explanation of the poem. I made sure I used references that they would be familiar with in my execution of the poem and as a result of this, the poem seemed to come alive to them. Although I am doing my PGCE, I really want to teach primary school but my lecturer told me that I could very well do high school too, he thought I was good enough. Huge validation! I was so proud of the grade 11s who made the lesson enjoyable to teach too. I went to them the next morning and thanked them for being such good sports! I had a good week and hope that the last few days will be wonderful (that's ten more school days, FYI - Yes I'm keeping tabs!!!)